Daphne's Birth Story

It has been 20 years since I have shared her birth story as it was written...

"In March of 2000 I began to realize that most childbirth education was merely a convoluted attempt at creating order out of chaos within the hospital setting. I wanted more, I needed more. I honestly felt that my life was at stake.... that I could not live through another hospital birth. I came across the term Unassisted Childbirth (UC). That is where my daughter’s birth story began.

Friday night, December 1st, I accomplished my goal of cleaning the kitchen. I had spent over an hour on hands and knees cleaning the floor trying to relieve the discomfort in my back. The next day would mark my 39th week of pregnancy. It was about 1:00 a.m. when I tried to go to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. My husband came home at 3:00 a.m. At that time I was having a lot of discomfort in my ribs, and couldn't get comfortable. Finally, I went to the couch and fell asleep from about 3:30-5:30 am. During that time I must have started having contractions. In my sleep I was taking big deep breaths, and I kept saying "oooopen" in my head. I got up and started "getting ready". I made labor-ade, finished laundry, and put makeup on (I like to look pretty for my babies). I called my father-in-law at about 7:30 and asked him to bring some bread, as I wanted toast, and to come help John give me a blessing. Then I called my parents and told my mom that if she could maintain control I wanted her to be here. For my family this was the first they had heard of our UC plans! Since I got up the contractions were about 5-7 minutes apart, but only lasting about 40 seconds. These were the same type of contractions I had during my son's labor. I was told they were non-productive and "would never get a baby born".

My in-laws arrived, and I woke John up. They made me toast, gave me my blessing- which was perfect, it was as if I was telling the Lord exactly what I wanted Him to tell me! John was given a father's blessing by his dad. Everything was in order. During this time the contractions were getting a little too much for me to handle with all of the company, so I sent everyone on their way. I sent Jack along with them, which was totally not my plan; but in hindsight I feel like I was able to really let myself go, without worrying about protecting him from the intensity of the experience.

The contractions stayed about 4-5 minutes apart for a while, got longer, and I had to pee after every single one! I spent a lot of contractions on the toilet which was quite comfortable. An incredible thing was happening as I was praying and saying positive affirmations during the more intense contractions; if I smiled it felt better. It was as if I was smiling my adversary right out of the house! The actual uncomfortable part of each contraction was so nominal, and the pleasurable rush after each one was other-worldly.

At around 10:00 a.m. I took some motherwort, because I was really tired. I laid in the nest I made myself in the living room, where I was certain I would birth. I slept between contractions for a while. I was beginning to have some discomfort in my hips, and lower back, and it was beginning to be difficult to find a comfortable position. My mom called at noon to tell me she would be at my house at about 2:30, and if I thought it was close to call her on her cell phone. I said, "no way", since she was going to get a haircut, "you're not coming over here with your hair half done". I told her just to come when she was finished. After we hung up I looked at John and said "she's not gonna make it."

I think right around here I started losing my focus a bit, so I went to take a shower to help myself regroup. It felt so good. In the shower I remembered someone's advice to "ride the waves". Each contraction became a crescendo, a peak, followed by a delicious valley of delight. After the shower my contractions had became noticeably stronger and closer together, I imagine about every two minutes. 

John had been wonderful thus far, talking little, responding rapidly to my monosyllabic requests, and just being beside me. At one point he looked at his watch and said, "It's only been five minutes since the last time"(that he looked at the time). He responded to my mortified look by saying that he was just joking, it had been about half an hour. I had really feared that labor would seem eternal, but there were several times when remember thinking how quickly time was passing.

I got up and walked down the hall, into my son's room. I was beginning to feel discouraged at this point. I voiced this to John, and he just kissed me and patted my hair. I had been awake and in labor for about eight hours and for some reason had the thought in my head that when my water broke I would be halfway there. 

I got on Jack's bed and had a really big contraction there, when it was over John asked if I wanted to go back to the living room, I just said "NO, staying". I was getting myself to my knees for the next contraction, and after it was over I reached in to feel for baby's head, as I was starting to feel like bearing down. When I felt her head it was exactly where it was the first time I checked- earlier in the morning. That was probably my lowest low. During the next contraction I had my right hand cupping my perineum, hoping to feel the baby descend-- ANYTHING. I felt my body pushing and wanted to try and stop it. I kept my hand where it was and with the next contraction my water broke. I said to John "water broke, baby's coming, what color". He told me it was clear. 

Knowing that her fluid was clear was a great sense of relief and suddenly I realized how close she really was. I stood up in the corner of Jack's bed with one hand on each wall. I was moaning and calling for the baby. My mother arrived right about this time. She couldn't believe how calm I was. She came into Jack's room and asked something about where we were and I said "baby's coming". The contractions felt as if they were coming in slow motion, and I was finally able to feel her head. My mom said I continued to call to the baby, "come on Daphne, come on baby girl". I said, "ohhhh, ring of fire, here comes her head" and I remember my mom saying "oh my God, her head!" I was beginning to ease myself to my knees because I wanted to catch her myself, but her little body just slid through my hands into her papa’s. John guided her to the bed. From the time my mom got into the room, to the time Daphne came was about five minutes, if not less.

I turned to look at her and she was already turning pink and trying to breathe. John was asking what to do- we hadn't gone over the game plan for a baby that was just fine! He helped me to sit, and I got her in my arms. She was wide awake, spit out a little amniotic fluid and was then breathing on her own. Of course- all of our towels, blankets, supplies, etc- were in the living room. Over the course of the next few minutes I imagine my mom and John looked pretty silly running back and forth grabbing stuff for me. John called her birth at 2:01 p.m., December 2, 2000, after 8 ½ hours of labor.

There are no words for how awesome I felt after that baby came! I could have run a marathon! John just looked at me and said, "you didn't even break a sweat". 

I don’t think I can begin to describe how wonderful it was for my baby to be MINE. I never had to give her to anyone for any testing or observation or useless procedures. It was such a joy to awake the next morning in our own bed. She was looking at the light filtering in through the blinds and I realized what a blessing it was to watch her witness her first morning.

I still can't believe that I accomplished all that I did. I am so proud of myself. I am so proud of the start I gave my daughter. One of the things that makes me so supportive of unassisted birth is that my generation has made virtually no progress in the way we have our babies, compared to the way our mothers had theirs. BUT I DID. I EVOLVED. And I pray that my daughters will do so as well." Prayers were answered. I am so proud of what this child is giving the world.

I wrote this poem shortly after she was born.

new life abounds i'm full within. here i sit, for three- i learn

and thoughts, old pain with hope does churn

they taught me naught, no knowledge to impart

now with power i seek as tiny toes tickle my heart

upon their cross i submitted, self-crucified

a patient, a wrist band, and by morning individuality had died

a battle ensued, great as any war

my life so precarious ‘til i learned of one more

the knowledge, the power, the insight all rocking the earth

i threw off my clothes, i stood to give birth

and as i stood, my boy became a brother

three years it had taken me, 

finally, i became

a MOTHER